There’s someone new in your life who seems almost too good to be true. The compliments flow easily, the attention feels intoxicating, and you’re swept up in what feels like a whirlwind romance.
But lately, something has started to feel off. Maybe their charm has a sharp edge to it, or their confidence borders on something else entirely.
If you’ve been questioning whether what you’re experiencing is normal relationship growing pains or something more concerning, this guide is here to help you make sense of the patterns you might be noticing.
1. They make everything about themselves
When you’re telling them about your promotion at work or something meaningful that happened in your day, do they somehow manage to redirect the conversation back to their own experiences? This isn’t just occasional forgetfulness or enthusiasm about their own life.
Someone with narcissistic tendencies will consistently turn your stories into launching pads for their own narratives. You might notice that every single conversation eventually circles back to their achievements, their struggles, or their perspectives.
When you finish talking, instead of follow-up questions about your experience, you’ll hear, “That reminds me of when I…” Their inability to let anyone else hold the spotlight for more than a moment reveals a deeper pattern of self-absorption.
2. They shower you with attention, but only at first
Remember those early days when they seemed absolutely captivated by everything you said and did? The texts came constantly, the compliments felt endless, and you felt like the most special person in their world.
This intense phase, sometimes called love-bombing, can feel like a dream come true. But here’s the catch: it doesn’t last. Once they feel secure that you’re invested, the warmth starts to cool. The person who once hung on your every word now seems distracted or disinterested.
This isn’t the natural ebb and flow of a maturing relationship. It’s a calculated pattern where the initial attention serves as a hook, and once you’re caught, they no longer need to maintain the same level of effort.
3. They can’t handle even the gentlest criticism
We all get a little defensive sometimes, but watch what happens when you offer even the mildest suggestion or express a small concern. Someone with narcissistic traits will react as if you’ve personally attacked them.
A simple comment like “maybe we could try that differently next time” might trigger defensiveness, anger, or a complete shutdown.
They might deflect by immediately pointing out your flaws, or they’ll reject your feedback entirely, insisting you’re being too sensitive or misunderstanding the situation.
The message becomes clear: they’re above reproach, and any attempt to suggest otherwise will be met with resistance.
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual feedback, but with a narcissist, you’ll find yourself walking on eggshells, carefully avoiding any topic that might bruise their ego.
4. They lack empathy when you need it most
You’ve had a terrible day. Maybe you lost someone close to you, dealt with a major disappointment, or you’re just feeling emotionally depleted.
When you reach out for comfort, their response feels hollow or nonexistent. They might offer surface-level sympathy that feels rehearsed, or worse, they’ll seem irritated that you’re bringing them down with your problems.
While they’ll expect you to be their emotional cheerleader through every minor inconvenience they face, your genuine struggles barely register on their radar.
This isn’t about occasional emotional unavailability that everyone experiences. This is a consistent pattern where your feelings simply don’t matter to them unless those feelings involve admiration or attention directed their way.
5. They need constant validation and praise
You might notice that they seem to require an unusual amount of reassurance about their appearance, their intelligence, or their accomplishments.
If you don’t offer regular compliments, they’ll fish for them with comments designed to elicit praise. They might spend excessive time on their appearance, constantly checking their reflection, or posting carefully curated content online while obsessively monitoring the responses.
This need for external validation goes beyond normal human desire for appreciation. It’s more like a void that can never quite be filled, no matter how much admiration you pour into it.
You’ll find yourself exhausted from the constant emotional labor of propping up their self-image.
6. They have very few genuine friendships
Take a closer look at their social circle. Do they have any long-term, deep friendships, or are their connections mostly surface-level acquaintances?
You might notice they cycle through friends quickly, maintaining relationships only as long as those people serve a purpose.
They may speak disparagingly about former friends, always casting themselves as the victim who was wronged.
The truth often reveals itself in the pattern: when people no longer provide the admiration, resources, or status they’re seeking, those relationships get discarded.
They might also show unusual interest in befriending people they perceive as successful or impressive while dismissing others they consider beneath them.
7. They treat service workers poorly
Here’s a telling indicator that shows up early: watch how they interact with waiters, cashiers, customer service representatives, or anyone they perceive as having less power or status.
Someone with narcissistic traits often reveals their true character in these moments. They might be dismissive, rude, or condescending to people they don’t think they need to impress.
They may speak to service workers as if they’re invisible or make unreasonable demands.
While they might be charming and polite to your friends or anyone they’re trying to impress, their mask slips around those who can’t offer them anything in return.
This behavior reflects their hierarchical view of humanity, where some people simply matter more than others.
8. They gaslight you regularly
You know what you saw, what you heard, what happened. But somehow, when you bring it up, they twist the narrative until you’re questioning your own perception of reality.
They might flat-out deny things you clearly remember them saying or doing. They’ll accuse you of being too sensitive, overreacting, or misremembering events. Over time, this manipulation erodes your confidence in your own judgment.
You start second-guessing yourself constantly, apologizing for things that weren’t your fault, and accepting their version of events even when it contradicts what you know to be true.
This psychological manipulation isn’t an accident or misunderstanding. It’s a deliberate tactic to maintain control and avoid accountability.
9. They believe rules don’t apply to them
Whether it’s cutting in line, bending workplace policies, or expecting special treatment wherever they go, they operate with a sense of entitlement that sets them apart.
They genuinely believe they deserve exceptions, perks, and privileges that others don’t. This might show up in small ways at first, expecting you to rearrange your schedule on a whim while never accommodating yours, or in bigger ways, like believing they shouldn’t have to deal with consequences that would apply to anyone else.
They’ll have elaborate justifications for why their situation is different or why they’ve earned the right to special consideration.
The underlying message is always the same: ordinary rules and social contracts are for ordinary people.
10. They can’t celebrate your successes
When something wonderful happens to you, their reaction feels strangely muted or quickly shifts to how it affects them.
If you get a promotion, they might make a comment about how you were lucky or immediately share a story about their own career achievements.
If you accomplish something meaningful, they find ways to minimize it or point out why it’s not as impressive as it seems. They might even become noticeably moody or withdrawn when you’re experiencing joy.
Genuine partners want to see you thrive and feel excited about your victories. Someone with narcissistic traits, however, views your success as a threat to their position as the most accomplished, most deserving person in the room.
11. They’re hot and cold in confusing patterns
One day, they’re affectionate and attentive. The next, they’re distant and dismissive. This unpredictability keeps you off-balance, constantly trying to figure out what you did wrong or how to get back to the good days.
The warmth and coldness aren’t random, though. They often align with whether you’re serving their needs in that moment. When they want something from you, attention, validation, a favor, they turn on the charm.
When they’ve gotten what they need or you’ve set a boundary they don’t like, the temperature drops. This emotional inconsistency creates a dynamic where you’re always working to earn their approval, never quite sure where you stand.
12. They isolate you from support systems
At first, it might seem like they just want to spend all their time with you. How romantic, right? But gradually, you notice they seem uncomfortable or critical whenever you make plans with friends or family.
They might make subtle (or not-so-subtle) comments about how your friends are bad influences, how your family doesn’t understand you like they do, or how your close relationships are somehow threatening to what you two share.
Over time, you find yourself seeing your support network less and less, partly because it’s easier than dealing with the tension it creates.
This isolation isn’t coincidental. It’s strategic. The fewer outside perspectives you have, the easier it becomes for them to control the narrative of your relationship.
13. They never genuinely apologize
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, but genuine apologies require acknowledging your impact on someone else’s feelings and taking responsibility.
You’ll notice that their “apologies” come with qualifiers: “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry, but you…” These aren’t real apologies. They’re blame-shifting dressed up in apologetic language.
When they’ve clearly hurt you, instead of expressing remorse, they might turn the situation around to make themselves the victim.
They’ll bring up times you’ve hurt them, accuse you of being unforgiving, or explain at length why they were justified in their behavior.
The message is clear: they’re never truly at fault, and if you’re upset, that’s your problem to manage.
14. They have an obsession with status and appearances
Notice how they talk about brands, job titles, exclusive experiences, or who they know. There’s an unusual emphasis on the external markers of success and prestige.
They might be more interested in your occupation, your family’s background, or your social media following than in who you actually are as a person.
They curate their own image carefully, possibly posting constantly online and monitoring their digital presence obsessively.
They want to be seen with the “right” people at the “right” places, not for genuine enjoyment but for the status it provides.
Your value to them might be partially tied to how you reflect on their image. If you enhance their appearance of success and desirability, you’re valuable. If you don’t, they lose interest.
15. They exploit your kindness
If you’re someone who’s naturally giving, empathetic, and eager to help others, you might be especially vulnerable to this pattern.
They’ve learned to identify people who will accommodate their needs and absorb their poor treatment without pushing back too much. They’ll take and take, whether it’s your time, your emotional energy, your resources, or your forgiveness.
You might find yourself constantly doing favors, making sacrifices, or putting their needs before your own, while receiving very little in return.
When you finally express that you need something from them or that you’re feeling depleted, they’ll either dismiss your needs or make you feel guilty for not being more understanding.
The relationship becomes fundamentally imbalanced, with you in a perpetual state of giving while they remain in a perpetual state of taking.
Recognizing these patterns isn’t about diagnosing someone or reducing complex human behavior to a simple label. It’s about trusting your instincts when something feels consistently off in your relationship.
If you’re reading this and recognizing multiple patterns that resonate with your experience, that awareness itself is valuable. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, genuine empathy, and balanced give-and-take.
You deserve a partnership where your feelings matter, your boundaries are respected, and your partner’s love feels steady rather than conditional.
Whatever you decide to do with this information, remember that your perception of your own experience is valid, and seeking support, whether from trusted friends, family, or a professional, can provide clarity when you’re feeling confused or uncertain about what you’re experiencing.