If you’ve ever wondered how to give a hickey or what’s the best way to leave a little love mark, you’re not alone.
This tiny mark of affection, also known as a love bite, has become a playful and sometimes passionate gesture between couples.
It’s not just about the physical part; it’s about creating a shared secret, a tease, and a moment of intimacy that lingers even after the kiss ends.
As a relationship coach, I’ve had many couples ask about hickeys. Some want to surprise their partner. Others want to know how to do it right, not too hard, not too awkward.
So in this guide, we’ll go through everything you need to know about giving a hickey: what it is, how to give one, where to place it, how to make it feel good (not weird), and how to make sure your partner is 100% on board.
What Is a Hickey?
A hickey is a small bruise caused by suction and light biting on the skin, usually around the neck, collarbone, or inner thigh. When you suck or bite the skin, the tiny blood vessels (capillaries) break, causing blood to leak under the surface. That’s what creates the reddish-purple mark.
But beyond the biology, a hickey is emotional. It’s a sign of passion, of closeness. Some see it as a mark of being “taken,” while others see it as a flirty souvenir of a steamy make-out session.
Before You Begin: Consent and Comfort Matter
Before going anywhere near your partner’s skin, ask them how they feel about hickeys.
“Hey, just curious, would you ever be into a little hickey?”
A simple question like that shows you care. Some people find them fun and sexy. Others don’t like visible marks or have to be presentable at work the next day. Respect their boundaries, that’s the most attractive thing you can do.
How do you ask? Keep it natural.
Try something like, “I’d love to leave a little mark to remind you of tonight. Is that okay with you?” It’s sweet, direct, and sets the stage for a consensual, exciting moment.
And if your partner says yes? That’s your green light to play.
Step-by-Step: How to Give Someone a Hickey
Let’s break it down in a way that’s clear, smooth, and sensual.
1. Choose the Right Spot
The most common places for a hickey are:
- Neck (side or just below the ear)
- Collarbone
- Inner thigh (more private)
- Shoulder
Choose a spot that has soft skin and enough flesh, you want it to be comfortable for both of you. The neck is the classic location, but it’s also the most visible.
So again, check what your partner prefers. Test the waters with a gentle kiss first to see how your partner reacts.
2. Set the Mood
A hickey shouldn’t come out of nowhere, it should flow naturally in the moment. Maybe you’re cuddling, kissing slowly, and things are heating up. Whisper to them, “Can I leave a little mark?” Let it feel like part of your intimacy, not something clinical.
Lighting, music, and being alone all help make the experience feel romantic and relaxed.
3. Start with Kissing and Teasing
Begin by kissing softly around the area. Use your lips and a little tongue to build anticipation. Slowly move closer to the spot where you want to leave the hickey.
Think of this as foreplay for the skin, the more teasing, the more exciting it feels.
4. Apply Suction (Gently!)
Once you’ve kissed and teased the area, form your lips into a small “O” shape and gently suck on the skin for about 15 to 30 seconds.
Here’s how to do it right:
- Don’t bite yet
- Don’t suck too hard, you’re not trying to vacuum their soul
- Use just enough pressure to pull the skin up slightly
After a few seconds, release and kiss the area again. You can do this once or twice depending on how dark you want the mark to be.
Pro Tip: If you’re nervous, practice on your own arm first to get the feel of how much suction is too much.
5. Add a Little Bite (Optional)
If your partner enjoys a bit more intensity, you can lightly bite the area after sucking. Think of it as a nibble, not a chomp.
Check their reaction. If they moan or smile, you’re golden. If they tense up or pull away, ease back into kisses instead.
Example: A Playful Moment Between Lovers
Let’s say you’re lying in bed with your partner on a lazy Sunday. You’ve both been kissing for a while, and there’s a moment of silence as you look at their neck, just beneath their jawline.
You say, “You look too good right now. Mind if I leave a little something right here?”
They giggle and tilt their head. That’s your cue.
You start with warm kisses, breathing against their skin. Then you gently suck for a few seconds, feeling their body lean into you.
When you finally pull back, there’s a small pinkish mark beginning to form, a soft reminder of that lazy, passionate morning.
Aftercare: What to Do Next
Just like anything intimate, aftercare is part of the experience.
- Kiss the area again after the hickey to soothe the skin
- Check in: “Was that okay?” or “Do you want me to stop?”
- Apply a cool compress later if the mark gets darker than expected
Hickeys usually fade in 3–7 days. If your partner wants to hide it, you can suggest makeup, a scarf, or just some playful confidence.
Extra Tips for Giving the Perfect Hickey
- Hydrate: Dry lips can feel rough. Use lip balm or drink some water before.
- Shave the area: Hickeys over stubble can hurt more than they should.
- Alternate spots: Don’t suck the same place repeatedly. That increases bruising.
- Use your hands: While your lips are working their magic, let your hands roam their back or hair to make it a full-body experience.
What If You Get One Unexpectedly?
Sometimes your partner may surprise you with a hickey, especially in the heat of the moment. If you’re not into it, don’t panic or shame them. Just let them know next time:
“Hey, I liked everything except the mark, can we skip that part next time?”
It’s all about learning together.
Final Thoughts
Giving a hickey isn’t just about leaving a mark, it’s about creating a memory, a shared moment that lingers long after the night is over. Done right, it’s fun, flirty, and even a little addictive.
But always remember: communication, respect, and trust come first. If you both enjoy it, it can become one of those little things that makes your love life even more exciting.
So go ahead, ask your partner, warm them up with kisses, and try it. You might just find it becomes one of your favorite forms of physical affection.
And who knows? Maybe they’ll give one right back.